The Barrier Between Love

     Is it narcissistic to say I look for the best in people? Behind every selfish action is an insecure motive. Anger is driven by fear of losing what one wants. Are negative emotions simply based on one's personal fears and insecurities or do I project this onto other people? I feel anger when I don't get what I want but this quickly dissipates. When someone steps on my toes or directly insults me it stings but I don't hold a grudge. It taps into my insecurities and weakens me until I reflect on why the person did or said what they did. It is because they are weak, they need to validate their emotions by projecting their insecurities and pain onto me. Is this true or am I developing a defense mechanism? Nobody likes to be analyzed, right? Not me. I love being analyzed. When I get the sense that someone is truly looking deep into me, it makes me feel confident, no matter what they see. That's part of the reason I hate barriers. The barrier of miscommunication, over text or in-person. It's why I despise lies and the commonplace character playing we all do. I can't play a character. I can't fit into a role. I am me and I can't be anybody else. I struggle during a conversation until it becomes real, then I flourish. A conversation full of assumptions and lies, or purposeful mistruths told simply to make themselves appear a certain way, I have no interest in. A battle of wits, a whose-dick-is-bigger conversation where neither party is the winner. Especially between friends, why do we treat each other this way? We're all in this life thing together, why make it harder than it needs to be? I'm here to have fun, if you want to prove that you're better than me in this inconsequential moment then you don't see how truly important this moment is. This moment is all we have. Every moment is all we're given until we have no more. What makes the moment inconsequential is how you're using it. Instead of trying to have fun, make somebody laugh, or have an eye-opening conversation, you're trying to prove to yourself and others that you have something they don't. You do this by judging and disconnecting but you don't see how that has no positive effect on anybody. Maybe you can use this to appear more confident and maybe that will help you get your dick wet, but is that all that matters to you? Have you truly reflected on life and the people around you? Would you step on them if it meant your desires would be fulfilled? Desires make you feel good for a moment but they come and go. Love, respect, connection, security, relatability. We all have the power to give this to each other at any moment but we refuse because of the fear of being rejected or gaining and then losing what we are given. People abuse other people's openness. This is true evil. To make someone feel safe, secure, and loved, only to rip it away from them with malicious intent. Who can you trust? Who can I trust? Will I step out of bounds? Will I lose your respect? Will I lose the respect of my peers? Am I willing to take that leap? I'll continue waiting, watching, hoping. I'll share my thoughts with you. I put my soul on these pages. Where is yours?