standoffish
I look back on all of the people that I've failed. The anxiety that's cultivated my bed of nails. To most everybody I've known, I've shown myself to be standoffish. When I was younger, I wanted friends to change who I was inside. I always judged from afar, never learning to step in their shoes. The energy it takes deflates me. I relied on a few friends, could never manage too many. When I tried, I felt dizzy and lost for words. I feel that way today. Everyday. I'm tired of being distant from everybody. The kind words fly past me unless I want something from you. Maybe that's a human trait, but it makes me feel guilty and ashamed. I'm honestly not sure what step to take. I'm struck through. The words that I write feel different than the words I speak. More tangible and alive compared to being embarrassed by stutter. Though here I communicate without embracing connection. No opportunity to misuse inflection. This confession doesn't repair my regret in...