Contradiction

I'm an alcoholic pro-abolition

I'm a lover and hurter of women

I'm a disgraced Man of wisdom with a

Compromised intuition.

I never thought I could be so conflicted.

in my message, I want to be a

hero

I want to hear people rave about what

he wrote

But he smoked and he drank and made

So many mistakes

His desire fighting his desire

My Complex misunderstood

Not understood

Help me, I'm good

Stay away, I need you

I

never was taught right from wrong

I never believed in the psalms

This isn't unique but I'm me

What if I can't see?

What if I'm blind to the potential I'll meet?

When do my actions outweigh my fears?

Questions with no answers.

My life theme

Through my 21 years I yearn for

acceptance

I never feel more pathetic

The past feels lost on me

I begin to feel tears and the clenching of

teeth

Fuck it I need to write this for me

I hate myself for being a fuck-up.

But I'm proud that I can fuck

up and suck it up

Unless I can't 

How can I not know?

My mind switches on the flip of a dime