Me, Right Now

 It's taken me a while to see. This is me. Either you love this and me or you love neither. If you can't get past a line then don't bother. I write this for me but with my world in mind. My beliefs and conceptions which I could never quite get right are here before you, imperfectly. I have no hatred for perseverance in honesty and truth. I will be on the search for my truth until the day I die. Whatever comes of it, so be it. I will never intentionally cause pain. The pain I've caused has been because I'm too scared to stand up and face myself head-on. I'm too scared to allow the perceptions that I have to live freely so that I can better understand myself. So that you can better understand me. I experience no more pain than the next person and I am not special. I know that I need this. I need the ability to express and learn about myself and I want the people I care about to care enough about me to read it. That's hard for me to admit. It's even harder for me to tell you who I care about. It's harder than that for me to explain why. That's okay. One day I know that I may be able to say I love you. My love is true, it must be for me not to rue. I'm not perfect, I may not be worth it, but I'm me. Feel free to stand back and watch. The battle within is a spectacle, when I win the victory feels beyond special. It feels right. This doesn't mean I'm ignorant. You are either at war or at peace and I'm curious either way. I'm more than curious, I'm invested in the battle for your individuality. All I've ever wanted to do was help. Help myself, yes, but I've always felt the desire to help others in the same struggle. Maybe selfishly, to feel better about myself by believing you are lower than me and in a place I'm able to give advice. Maybe this is true, I simply don't know. Maybe I want to prove to myself that I have the ability to help people. Maybe this is true, I simply don't know. Facts are easy, most human truths are in opinion, abstraction, and creativity. A place it's easy to get lost. The place I chose to live in.