Here For Me

 When my life ends, I accept what is said of me. What's been is what was meant to be. Different perspectives and different opinions come to finality. My intentions and actions are of no more importance, you decide what you believe of me irrelevantly. My love for all people is hidden behind layers of insecurity. My expressions of care are misinterpreted by those who misunderstand me. I write these out in vain, trying to maintain expressions of my brain. I hope these words are heard, my soul inhabiting your own. If you decide it's not worth it, what are your values? People hate this question, it's pushed people away. Whenever I think about it, I realize they were in the way. If you can't consider this question, how can I trust you to stay? How can I not be led astray if I trust you and your way but your way seems irrational, selfish, or unthoughtful. I've dealt with this myself, I thought we all did but I realize most people are only concerned with their own worth and their desires, they ignore the fire and the ambition they have. When I see you for you, in a way most others refuse, I can see why that would make you mad. When you spend so much time building up this wall because of the culture you're in, I can see why a deconstruction would make you sad. On the other hand, you have to understand I've spent so much time and effort with these thoughts. Don't be mad at me for exposing the truth, that the friends we had were toxic, though they weren't as half bad as some other folks. We ignored the stakes, the anxiety, and our fates, which we left behind for the sake of our fearful brains. We fear our mistakes. We fear our shortcomings. We fear our hardships. We fear fearing these, too. We still do. I still do. That will never change the fact that I love you. Though my expressions of love were abused. They were awfully confused. All we can do is try to improve but to do so we must at least try to recognize the truth. I'm talking to you. I'm here for you. I'm talking to me. I'm here for me.