meaning

Fear holding tight to my lonely body
It's the only hug I'll get today
Heart constricted with the binds of regret and doubt
I forget to care for myself
And I speak for a reaction, and I forget the reason why
I forget why we all speak, the purpose of every word
And I lose sight of the path back to normalcy, where all of my friends meet
And every friend I'll ever meet will always be at a distance
And I want to cry but I can't
Not that there's anyone to hold me, anyway
Not that there's a hand to soothe this pain
A hand on my heart, not that anyone knows it's beating, anyway
Not that I'm ready to give up on living, anyway
Not that there's anything I can say to make it change, anyway
Anyway, my battle with temptation and pain feels strained
I mean, if I give up, then I lose my brain
I mean, I'm kind of sane
But I don't know if I know how much I feign
I mean, on a scale of 1 to insane
Where would I, I lie on the thing
I mean, these questions are evidence
I mean, my chest burns with fear
I want, to fight just to win
What if, that's a lost cause
I mean, what if I only cause pain
I mean, what if I only feel pain