Tin Man

Struggling to know who I am and am not
Listen to you talk, I've lost the plot
I jot down my pain and my misguided thought
Drink to numb the heart, sleeping in the brain
Amateur skills in a young adult relay
Heart breaks often, vulnerability appears
I run away from thought and every little fear
I can't speak my mind when my loved ones are near
Losing control, asking them to steer
I see every smirk as a sly little jeer
And I lose my mind a bit
More year by year
All I wish is to be
Present, now and here

I'm so behind, I'm so ahead, I'm somewhere in-between
I see death's door, but I can't remember being seen
Breath is cold, chest is hot, I'm driven to be numb
I say so very much, and it's only worth a crumb
Crumbs of the world gathering like ashes
Crushing pearls together like an ego-driven fascist
The fragments left over are hidden in these words
They may well lie here and be cleaned up by the birds
Never fully seen, never fully been
An unsolved puzzle, my resumé of tin.