illusory choice as a shield

Depression is always harder when you make its reacquaintance

I felt I decided a long time ago that this would be my path

To live in the dungeon, to learn every crevice

To come out stronger 

To help those who had no choice

It helped to think I had a choice

Whether it was my mother or father

I don't feel like it matters

Every step I take, I take far too late

and requires so much that I've yet to attain

Ask me a question, watch my face

It's all that I do, every single day

The knowledge of knowing that I know so little

I wouldn't call it noble

But it helps to think I have a choice

The friends I never had, the lovers I've never known

The words I can't speak, the pain I can't show

The little boy believing that one day he'll grow

All he needs is a stroke of kindness

But it wouldn't cure his blindness

But it helps to think that someone has a choice

The choice to help, to save

I wouldn't beg

It helps to think I have the choice to be alone or in love 

To be able to be loved 

Or liked or admired

I refuse to be self-aware

It's my shield

This is my innocence