Pain - 4/2023

 I've been trying not to waste my life

And in the meantime, I'm wasting my life

I only wanted not to be alone

I thought I needed to make my demons shown

So I can do the work to get past them

All I've done is push people away

And believe I've become the bad guy

Hope is slipping from my soul

I feel like everybody knows

That my demons are the ones in control

And I don't accept anybody trying to console

Because I'm not enough to be loved

I know I'm not enough

But how can I be enough to cause pain?

How can my voice and words incite rage?

If I can't also make someone happy

If I can't also bask in your smile

Enough to be important

Enough to make you love me

Why do I need you to love me?

I hate that I need you to love me

What is my purpose?

What am I doing if I'm not someone's reason for living?

But I don't trust that you love me that way

I don't believe I can be loved in that way

What gets in the way?

How am I allowed to cause my own pain?

Shouldn't my brain know better?

How do the stains get wetter?

How can I be losing my mind so calmly?

Why did nobody see what was happening?

Why did they leave me behind?

Why do I portray myself as the victim?

Why can't I talk to new people?

Why can't I talk?

Why can't you hear me?

I'm fearing so clearly

My body is weary

My hope comes and goes

My past makes me teary

When I think of what I've lost

I see nothing to gain

I only feel pain