small grievances

It was a lonely day, I remember the girl. She was as pretty as can be. I was still young, not even a teen. My room very dirty, my hair unclean. I checked the time, the bus must be off. I peered through the blinds to get just a glimpse. She looked over, was she looking at me? I let the blinds cover my embarrassed eyes. I feared who I was, the man I'd become. I sat there in my dirty room, feeling the failure within me. I was alone. Nobody to talk to, no love to hold. I feel I'm the opposite, covered in pain. Nothing more than a piss-scented stain. And I wanted to die and I wanted to cry. I shivered alone and I didn't care why. And I tried to change who I was. Because I thought that I had become someone awful. But it wasn't much more than a boyhood crush tainted by my surroundings. And I know that now, and I can forgive myself for that small grievance. And if you wonder why I feared so much, just look at what I might inherit.